陈凯博客： www.kaichenblog.blogspot.com

辛苦观来自奴性情结
Treasuring Suffering - A Slave Mentality

价值一语： Words of Value:

A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be. --- Abraham H. Maslow

一个音乐家一定要奏乐作曲，一个画家一定要绘画，一个诗人一定要写诗。 如果一个人要寻找内心的平静与欢乐，他就一定要做他渴望做的事。 一个人一定要尽其才尽其力才能幸福。 --- Abraham H. Maslow

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By Kai Chen 陈凯 (Reprint 10/4/2011)

I often hear the Chinese complain about life. They often tell me that life is hard and one must endure （熬） it. They often tell me that I almost got over （熬出来了） the hardest part, since my daughters are all ready to graduate (one from high school, and one from college).

It seems to the Chinese, life is nothing but a process of enduring the misery and suffering. Somehow all the Chinese expect a life of toiling in whatever they do. Happiness to them is only an unreachable dream -- random, unexpected and by chance. It will be only in your next-life. Some religions, such as Buddhism, preach toiling and suffering as a virtue in one's present life in order to reach and enjoy happiness in his next life (after he dies).

I often state that the Chinese live their lives like they will never die and when they die, they feel as though they have never lived. So despair and sadness are often what the Chinese feel in their lives and their art such as movies, music and painting often reflect this negative, confusing mindset. Nothing is inspiring, nothing is uplifting, nothing is future-oriented, nothing is full of hope, nothing is positive. They don't smile, laugh, rejoice. They only toil. Have you noticed that the Chinese often compare notes on how much they have suffered, even compete on how much they have suffered?

Then why is this "suffering, toiling"(苦熬） complex?

Some people don't enjoy, for they are afraid they may lose the feeling of joy once they have felt it. Some people don't love, for they fear the dreadful feeling of "losing love" once they fall in love. Some people never feel fulfillment in their lives, for they are so afraid of spelling out what they want and who they are. They are so afraid of commitment because they fear disappointment. So they never try. Life is short and time flies and when they realize they are just wasting their own precious time, they are already in their middle-ages. So they give up without ever trying to attain self-actualization and fulfillment.

In America, the contrasting attitude can be summed up with one sentence: "I know I may never get it. But I will die trying to get it." In Frank Sanatra's "I Did It My Way", this positive, joyful attitude in one's life permeates the entire song. I was so moved once when someone told me there was a housewife who decided to be a doctor after she raised four children, and she fulfilled her promise and dream, having become one of the prominent pediatricians in the US.

You would wonder why there is such a sharp contrast.

Slave mentality is one inescapable element in the Chinese mindset. They are not only slaves of their own language, their own government, their own society and culture, they are slaves of their own mindset. They are never the masters of their own lives. They are the ultimate slaves. Therefore, everyone of them has become the victim of their own environment, circumstances, lives' choicelessness. They have never realized that they are the biggest victims of themselves. It is their own slave mentality that has enslaved them. Their sense of silent desperation is only originated and enhanced by this mentality.

Almost nothing in a Chinese life is up to his own will and choice fromthe moment he was born. From his government, to his society, to his environment, to his job, to his time, to his marriage, to his food, to his leisure, to his sexual partners..., everything is only a "make-do". One's own life is only an endless "passtime" (混日子）. Idealism is none-existent in China and people view such conviction as foolish and laughable. They only want and prefer to be "realistic" which is another way to express such mood as "choicelessness" and "inner-desperation". Some people use God and religion to escape this dreadfulness, not knowing that God is only to liberate you from it so you can find the true purpose of your life. Avoiding and escaping your life's purposes is never a way to worship God. On the contrary, it is the biggest blasphemy you can do to God.

"辛苦“，-- hard work plus suffering, in the Chinese sense, only implies that one's own life is not up to him to choose and decide. It implies that one is doing everything against his own will, involuntarily toiling through life for others -- his parents and children, his friends, his emperors, his culture, his traditon, his family ancestors, his nation, his race, his gender, lately his class.... If one truly has the choice and conviction to do whatever his life's purpose directs him to do, where is this "辛苦”？

Yes, indeed, I had suffered much in China but emerged victoriously as an individual with dignity and conviction. All the suffering I had endured in China was not because of basketball which I love, it is only from the man-made sources originated in this Chinese slave-whore complex. No matter how much pain and how many injuries I had sustained through basketball, the game remains as my joy. By the same token, I have chosen to have my own family and children. No matter how much hard work and inconveniences I have gone through to raise my children and take care of my family, they remain as my primary source of joy and happiness. Not even one single moment I feel I have suffered because of my family. I enjoy every moment of being with my family. So where is this "熬“?

I have been through so much, learned so much and enjoyed so much in my life, as Frank Sanatra's song: "Regrets? I've had a few. But then again, too few to mention." I have laughed, loved, worked, enjoyed and lived. I can only say here:

I wish all of you would enjoy as much as I have, live as much as I have, and fulfill your own life's promises as much as I have.