My daughter Dominique on sail board

陈凯博客： www.kaichenblog.blogspot.com

脱离受虐与追求幸福
Happiness Depends on Your Will and Wisdom

价值一语： Words of Value:

All happiness is a work of art: the smallest error falsifies it, the slightest hesitation alters it, the least heaviness spoils it, the slightest stupidity brutalizes it. --- Marguerite Yoursenar

幸福是一种艺术： 一个小错就会谬误了它，一点迟疑就会改变了它，一点沉重就会玷污了它，一点愚蠢就会暴虐了它。 --- Margurite Yoursenar

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By Kai Chen 陈凯 (Reprint 10/2/2011)

Have you noticed a simple but not so obvious phenomenon in human existence?

When we suffer a painful experience such as injustice, accidents, abuse, oppression, loss of loved ones, etc.., we tend to remember them forever, but when we experience joy and happiness, or we live in contentment and peace, we tend to forget those moments that should have been treasured forever.

This is the work of a psychological human phenomenon I call "Protection Mechanism". It is much like scars on our bodies always will be obvious to remind us not to repeat the painful experience, but joy and happiness will not leave any scar on our bodies, so many times we do not remember those happy and joyful moments.

I have met many who are from China and are scarred for life by their painful experiences of abuse, oppression, brutality and inhumanity of the Chinese society, expecially those of the Mao' period and the Cultural Revolution. Most of them are unable to live a normal life even after they came to the United States. In their daily lives and their relations with others, they are full of suspicion, distrust, envy, jealousy, heavy hearts, fear of action and decisions.... Though I sympathize with them, I also see the serious self-destruction embedded in such a scarred existence: They simply forget about there is future, there is a life to live, there is joy and happiness to experience, there is indeed worthy existence for human beings on this planet of earth.

Americans have a very low tolerance threshold for pain, suffering, abuse and injustice, for they have not experienced much as those in the despotic regimes such as China. That is why Americans are seen as arrogant and picky when they go abroad. They demand respect of individuals and decent services no matter where they go. Though sometimes they may seem naive in not understanding the local attitude, they set the standard on how a human being should be treated. This is NOT a bad thing, though it may indeed arouse some resentment from the local people.

On the other hand, the Chinese and those from the brutal regimes, have a tremendously high tolerance threshold for pain and suffering. Not only are they already used to it, they have developed a culture of pain, abuse and suffering, and without it, they have trouble knowing for sure whether they exist or not. Joy and happiness scare them: I have some relatives who are millionairs after making their fortune in America, but they have never taken a vacation with their family. They don't know what Disneyland look like after decades in America. My own brother never took a vacation with his family, he only works year round to "make money". Painful life and tediousness is the only experience he knows since everyone in China has the same kind meanless, miserable life.

Learning from scratch to be happy needs not only will, effort, but a touch of art as well. Constantly analyzing your own state of living, making adjustment, understanding your own state of mind in any moment is a prerequisite for pursuing your own happiness. You need guts to break away from the cycle of abuse and being abused, from the grip of pain and misery and the scars they have left on your mind and emotions. You need wisdom to device a new life toward joy and happiness. Only when you are happy and joyful, you can join the ranks of free and happy people, and you can fight evil more effectively. I have never believed that a miserable person can effectively contribute to the cause of freedom.

Evil has a powerful hand in your misery and suffering, for evil has scarred you for life. It will continue to enslave your existence even after you physically left the evil place, for the effect of evil functions in your mind and emotions, shackling your spirit and yearning for freedom. It is insidious yet powerful tool in the hands of evil, for it has used your own "Protection Mechanism" to chain and cage your own existence.

Knowing the existence of such evil and evil tools is a pre-condition to free from the evil's grip. I hope all the people who have suffered in the hands of the Chinese communist regime and the despotic Chinese society pluck their courage to face down the evil, by making yourself a happy and joyful person, a free soul with strong faith in goodness, in the power of God to defeat the Evil.

So, go home and kiss your kids, hug your loved ones; take a vacation to spend some valuable time with your family; say "I love you" whenever you feel it to the ones you love; believe that good things can happen and indeed are happening to you; let freedom, joy and happiness light up your soul, relieve your burdens and brighten your life; go smell that flowers, watch that sunset, touch the cool rain drops, listen to the bird singing, taste the wonderful and delicious food, love your lovers, feel the passion of your own existence..., because the moments you are doing these marvelous and magical things, you are indeed fighting your inner demons, you are indeed defeating evil, you are indeed changing yourself, you are indeed building a new, joyful culture, you are indeed embracing a new life, a new heavenly existence. and you are indeed defeating misery and suffering and a good, positive and productive cycle will indeed gradually emerge.... So go out and experience life, and go home to where you belong, for home is where joy and happiness dwell.